Time After Time
by DragonLadyRelena
Summary: *Complete* Time after time, I let him come to me, knowing he had a wife. Time after time, I held him, even when he called her name instead of mine. Time after time, I swallowed the three words that so desperately wanted freedom. Time after time, I let him go back to her. But not anymore. Not ever again.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha or the title of the song. I didn't use the lyrics, just the title, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe, but just to be clear, I'm making no money off this, just having a little fun with established characters. I promise to return them . . . mostly in the condition I borrowed them in.

Time after time, I accepted him into my bed, my body, knowing he loved another. Time after time, I allowed him to seduce me, knowing he would never leave his wife. Time after time, I forgave him when he cried _her_ name in the throes of passion, knowing it was her he saw when he was with me like this. Time after time, I watched as he dressed and left me alone to go back to _her_. Time after time, I forced myself to swallow the words that he would never want to hear from me, those three little words that broke me a little more with each swallow. Time after time, I had to remind myself that he wasn't for me, but it never seemed to matter to my poor, battered heart. Time after time, I cried out the almost overwhelming guilt that I held even a fraction of his attention that should have belonged to _her_. Time after time, I prayed that the test would be negative, but not this time.

This time the result was positive, something I both longed for and dreaded. A piece of him to carry with me, always, something _she_ couldn't or wouldn't give him, but what do I do? This little piece of him is going to change my life forever if I let it keep growing. Should I tell him or keep it to myself? Should I tell _her_ and let her know what's been going on between us or, like the words I long to tell him, keep silent and hope things work out between them?

My phone rings, his picture flashing across the screen. With nerves twisting my stomach, I answer and listen as he tells me he wants to see me tonight. "Not this time," I tell him, the test clenched in my fist and my eyes wet with tears.

"Kagome," he starts, but I cut him off. I'll not toy with his wife's heart anymore. I knew he was taken when we started this affair, and though I love him, have for a long time, I simply cannot let this go on anymore. He needs to either remain faithful to his wife, or end it. Since it seems he can do neither, he can't have me anymore. I'm not alone anymore, and though it'll break my heart even more, I know I can't keep being his mistress while his wife waits at home.

"Not this time, Inuyasha," I repeat quietly, then hang up. I've got a lot of work to do.

Time after time, I forgave him when he went back to _her_. Time after time, I let him seduce me into forgetting, for a while, that he wasn't mine to keep.

Not this time. This time, it's my turn to be selfish. I'm letting him go, and I'm going to hold onto the one piece of himself I have for my very own.

Not this time. Not ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha or the song the title is taken from. Making no money off of this.

 **AN:** I know I should be working on "Race The Wind" but I seem to have hit a bit of a creative wall, and my muse bit me with these two chapters. She keeps pestering me to get them written, so here's hoping that it'll give me the spur I need to keep working on it.

* * *

Time after time, I went to her, knowingly leaving my wife at home. Time after time, I lost myself in her arms, her body, and her all too forgiving heart. Time after time, I cried my wife's name instead of hers, never telling her that I had to force those syllables passed my lips. Time after time, I heard her cry, wracked with guilt that I was betraying two women. Time after time, I left her behind to go back to a cold marriage bed, wondering if my wife knew of her, but neither of them ever said anything about changing the way things were. Time after time, I knew she longed to say that she loved me, but, like me, knew she had no right to do so: I wasn't free. Time after time, I found the tests in her bathroom, both thankful and saddened that each read "negative". Time after time, I prayed for test to be positive, giving me a solid reason to leave my cold, loveless marriage and cling to the family we'd make together.

Time after time, I went home to my wife, wishing she'd save me the heartache by divorcing me. Time after time, I called myself a coward for not ending this farce of a marriage, but it was perhaps out of misplaced guilt and remembrance of the love we once shared that I stayed. I had married Kikyo, and though I was unfaithful, I had some sort of duty to remain with her, fulfilling the rest of our vows, if not that one.

Not this time. Not ever again.

I came home to find Kikyo waiting for me, bags packed and divorce papers in hand. She'd had enough, had found love with another, and was leaving me to be with him. She knew, she told me, had known almost since the first night we were together, and it seemed to have given her permission to find her own sort of happiness. After helping her get her bags to her car, and making arrangements for the rest of her things to be packed and moved to wherever she ended up, I gave her a parting kiss on the cheek and wished her joy. With an almost regretful smile, she wished me the same, then passed out of my life.

Time after time, I rang Kagome's number, only to hear a cold, impersonal voice tell me that it had been disconnected. Time after time, I questioned what family and friends I knew and was again and again rebuffed with no information. "Not this time," she'd told me, her voice resolute and sad. I tried to tell her that I was free to love her, but she'd left me.

Time after time, I thought I'd caught glimpses of her, but I wound up chasing phantoms. Time after time, I'd swear I'd heard her laugh, caught her scent, but there was nothing left of her here anymore, just memories tinged with the bitterest kind of regret.

Time after time, I should have told her I loved her. Time after time, I should have left the woman I'd married for the woman I loved. I did neither, and now, both are gone, one without trace, the other to a love that isn't me. Time after time, I wept, knowing my heart would only beat for Kagome, but she'd never hear those words from me. She didn't want them, now.

Not this time. Not ever again.

* * *

 **AN2:** Wow, angst usually isn't my thing, but I couldn't seem to make this end happily. For some reason, these two chapters just flowed right out so quickly it was like they were passing right from my brain onto the screen with little help from me. I haven't had that happen in some time.

By the way, keep an eye out for "Tale of Two Hanyou", as I should be just about ready to post the first chapter soon. Also, "Lyric", as that seems to be flowing pretty well for now.

That's enough out of me, I'm off to work on other stuff, so here's hoping, eh?


End file.
